Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
