Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
