Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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