if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
