Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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