Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
