After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
