Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My ass is underappreciated
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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