Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
