why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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