He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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