i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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