i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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