Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
im holly from the hills drunk
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
