my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
We smell like vodka and hangover
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