Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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