your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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