the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
MIDGETS
????
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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