I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
And my parents said I crawled through the house
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
