I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
