It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
