I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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