if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
