We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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