this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
