Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
