If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
