ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
