it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We smell like vodka and hangover
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
