I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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