I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
