Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
