Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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