Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
