I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
