I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
