he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You took a bar mat shot.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
