You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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