9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
