I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
