I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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