Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
