Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
