I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
