Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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