We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
