A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
