you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
