If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
