he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
