You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
